Would you read a story starting off this way? You can play the critic?

What do I say..... I am stumped. Going by your profile u seem to be a teenager, and for someone your age this is great stuff. Don't be disheartened by critics, I tell you that's the easiest job ( finding fault with others work ) You go ahead you're doing great. I am sure you'll reach great heights and do yourself and your parents proud. God Bless and Good Luck.